Clash of culture and personal character

I've been thinking a lot about the relation between culture and personal character and I've noticed various similarities. When we are growing up, culture defines our personal character. Your personal character is the amalgamation of the culture at home, at school, at religious school and etc. And once we grow and our personal character has solidified, our personal character contributes back to the culture. It is a cycle; first we receive and then we contribute back.

How will you be able to contribute back to the culture though? You definitely need to be part of the culture to be able to contribute back to it. How do know you are truly part of a culture though? A lot of people form friend circles but is the culture within the group of friends the one that suits you? How can we find out? Culture by definition refers to the shared values, beliefs and norms of a specific group of people. Clearly, if you do not share and values, beliefs or norms, you don't belong to that culture. However, everyone has similarities. It is all about the degree of similarity then and everyone has their own personal cutoff where they identify themselves as part of a culture or not. If we have grown up with most people similar to us, we will instantly realize that we do not belong to a culture with whom we share less similarity. However if we have grown up with most people no similar to us, we feel part of both the original culture we grew up in and also part of any culture that seems equally or more similar to us. As such, the latter group fit into more groups.

However, a lot of people lie to themselves when they are exposed to a new group. The need to be socially normal forces the individual to believe that he is more similar to the group's culture than he actually is. This may lead to short term happiness but in fact leads to creating shallow relationships with everyone in the group (since they are always lying). It is like building a tower with sticks as opposed to bricks. It will fall off at the slightest perturbation once the tower is ready.

And this brings me to my point, the culture is an extension of your personal character. If the culture doesn't reflect who you are (once you have grown), then you are going to feel very uncomfortable and not in place. Do you have to feel bad about it? NOT AT ALL. Just keep looking for the right culture.

Hence, being in a positive culture is essential from young. It decides which cultures you will be part of when you grow up. (Ever figured out why elite schools are elite? It is the culture. You - or your parents in fact - are paying to be part of a "good" culture).